Complete.

What do you think when you read that word?  Complete.  You finished something, checked everything off your list, closed the book on the last page of the last chapter.
The dictionary definition reads:
Complete:
adjective
1. having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire; full:
a complete set of Mark Twain’s writings.

~~~ SCREECH! Wait?  What?!?  That sounds so final.  While, on the one hand, I agree.  When you complete something, it’s done, yet on the other,,,,
When Christ hmissioncompleteung and died on the Cross, it was done.  He even said so – It is Finished.  Or, was it?  No.  On the third day, He arose from the Grave.  Without His resurrection, Christ’s work on the cross was not complete.  There was more to be done.
That brings me to the heart of the matter.  You may or may not be aware, but, in November of 2015, I was gifted Scuba Diving lessons from Live The List Non-Profit.

The folks at Aqua-Hut were amazing.  They understood why I was there, gave fantastic instructions, encouraged me, and knew I could do it.

But.  Mid-spring came and I began to feel like going was not in my wheel house.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the water, I loved what being under the water brought to my soul, my body and my mind. However, I was feeling this isn’t ‘for’ me.  For several months, I felt guilty about not going.  This wasn’t my money.  This was from donations; therefore, I knew I had to ‘complete’ my classes and get certified.

Summer? was a blur.  Busy doesn’t define it for me, I kept saying, I’ll go back ‘tomorrow’.  We all know tomorrow never comes – unless, of course, you are Scarlett O’Hara.

Fall came.  My life was changing, my desires were changing, my ‘list’ was changing. My ‘list’ became hiking, kayaking, backpacking, climbing a mountain.  That, my friends, is not scuba diving!

BUT.  The story isn’t over.  The lessons I did take, the things I did learn, were not so much about scuba, but, about me.  My lessons were complete.  At least, those lessons.  Did I complete my certification? No.  Yet, I’m okay with that.  I did complete that chapter.  My book isn’t done being written yet, but, Scuba completed what I needed.  I grew and stretched in personal, emotional, and spiritual ways I didn’t even know possible. My fire, once smoldering, has been re-kindled.

Maybe you are not sure what sparks you, I’d encourage you to go find out!  I’d also encourage you to not be disappointed in yourself if ‘complete’ looks different than the dictionary definition.

If you ask me, did you ‘complete’ your scuba? My answer will be most assuredly, YES!

Thanks for following along, I’d love your feedback!
Growing in Grace,
Laura G.

If confession is good for the soul,

here you have it.

I simply don’t want to do this alone.  I wasn’t supposed to be diving alone, not how I envisioned learning,  not how I envisioned chasing rubber torpedo’s in the water,  none of it. Yesterday, as I prepared for an event, I pulled this out of my folder.  When I saw this post on Michelle’s fb page, I cried.   I never thought it would be ‘me’.  It is me.  It was such a good reminder that yea, IT IS ME! fbscreen
I also needed to find something buried in my fb messages and ran across this from a dear friend: “I heard you panicked…just get back on the horse. You are stronger than you think.” Thank you, Star, for being my Christopher Robin. Since my epic melt down, I’ve been back and have put my tank together by myself (without any explosions), wrewinnie-the-pooh-quotes1stled the entire contraption out of the water, can pop my ears, clear my mask, and lose my ‘life support system’, all the while feeling rather accomplished. And alone.

I re-listened to my pod cast with Drew Myers from Defining Audacity.  (pod cast link, if you’d like to listen). Thank you, Drew, it helps keep me remembering where I am!
I am re-focused on May, and going into it with a pretty full calendar, but, I WILL find the time, because I want to – to get back in the pool again!  My friend Linda said, if you want to do it, you’ll find the time.  So, here’s to staying focused, carving out scubamethe time, staying scheduled, and getting back in the water.  Not because I ‘have’ to – but, because I ‘want’ to!

Thanks for following me along on this
wild journey!

Growing in Grace,
Laura B.
lgbeck59@gmail.com

 

I didn’t go today.

(This blog post was not harmed by spell check, grammar check or any other form of perfection.  It is once again, a shoot it from the hip blog.)
I chickened out, ran far away, melted down, choose one or all, and you would be correct.

Saturday’s dive was all set.  Last Saturday that is.  I spent the morning chiseling away on my epic kitchen ‘paint’ job.  kitchen I stopped at noon, knowing full well that I was in the pool at 2:30, and didn’t want to be worn out.   I was excited!  Today I was getting to go in the deep end!  Yea, I’m 56 years old, and am excited about going into the DEEP END of the pool.  With full scuba gear on, flippers, too.  I was EXXXCITED!  Until.  Until I had to wrestle my feet into booties and flippers. Until I had to try to remember to clear my ears every 2 feet.  Until I felt like the walls were closing in on me.
Until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.  Until my instructor, Jeff at The Aqua Hut, said I had a death grip on his finger.  Deep end equals eight feet of water, friends.  Eight. simple. feet.  For pete’s sakes, I had AIR in my lungs, I could touch the bottom, yet, I completely, 100%, totally, melted down.
I’m going to assume that you’ve seen Finding Nemo?  Remember when Nemo decided to swim away, and Marlin had a panic attack? Yup, that was me. marlin-screams-in-eac-in-finding-nemo Complete. It was not happening.  There was no way I was staying in that pool.  Or, at least, the deep end.  I stayed in the shallow end, and swam around like a little baby.  I felt like a wimp.

I could give you many reasons why I had a panic attack, so, I will!  Remember to clear your ears every two feet, remember to breathe right, remember you use your entire leg when you have flippers on.  I was surrounded by walls, and felt they were toppling in on me.

I planned on going back today, hanging in the shallow end, pretend to clear my ears, practice doing so, just keep swimming, keep swimming.  Keep breathing, keep breathing.

This morning, I was struck by the realization that I know the real reason I melted.  It wasn’t supposed to be eyesthis way.  I wasn’t supposed to be taking Scuba Lessons alone.  In that deep end, I should have had these eyes telling me, it’s okay, you can do this.  But, I don’t.  Who knew scuba diving could be emotional?  oy!

A new day is coming, schedules make it a bit crazy, but, early next week, back in the pool I go.  Knowing that I am taking it all, step by step.

 

Thanks for following along,
Growing in Grace,
Laura B.
lgbeck59@gmail.com
Beautycounter by Laura Grayce

 

 

‘That day’ finally came!

20160310_145837To say it was wrought with anxiety and tension would be an understatement. I woke up not even sure I wanted, or cared to go.  Yes, I am so glad I am diving, but, so sad I was ‘going alone’, ya know?  Or, maybe you don’t.

With that being said, let me back up a bit.  Perhaps you don’t know what ‘that day’ is!  A quick re-cap, I am a blessed recipient of Live the List. I applied for Scuba lessons, as that was on that list. I cried when I realized I was chosen! Live the List is a non-profit built to bless widows and widowers to live out the ‘we will do that, when the kids are gone, after we retire, next summer,,,,’.

I had an appointment on Thursday morning, and she asked me about scuba, so I had the opportunity to share with her and guests where I was in the process, and it sure did bring tears to my eyes!

My appointment was at 3 p.m., as you can see from the text message, 2016-03-14 19.07.34I was simply not prepared.  (Though, obviously the textee didn’t think about not being able to eat under water?)
My anxiety was through the roof, the fight or flight was running quite high! I had absolutely no idea what to expect, except I knew that having to purchase a form-fitting one piece bathing suit was quite a motivator to reduce the weight, but, hey, that’s not today’s topic!

Jeff, the owner of Aqua-Hut and his son Ian are great guys, and I love that everything is personal, 1:1 service. I’m not convinced I would have had the strength to do this first day in a group.  Emotions were running a bit high.

Jeff went over everything with me, and I stood there thinking, ‘yea, I did learn this with the on-line courses, but, where did it go, out my ear’?? It sure felt like it did!  I stood there thinking, there is no WAY I can breathe through20160310_145827 ‘that’ thing!  I’m gonna die.  What did he just tell me?  Let me just say, a tank loaded with air isn’t very light.  Strapped into the vest, with all those hoses, and weights,  I tossed that puppy into the water. It floated.  Imagine that.  I jumped into the water, Jeff strapped that bad boy on me, and I still floated.  We added weights.  Then more weights.  Finally, I sunk.  Folks, I don’t sink.  I don’t know how to sink.  I float.  I float on my back, I float on my stomach, I float along, like a lazy river.

Breathing under water is not a natural thing for a human, that adjustment took a bit of time, to say the least.  Getting used to not using your nose is quite different.  Again, Jeff did an amazing job simply playing a game to relax me.  My new toy is a plastic torpedo.  How did that work? We played catch.  Seriously.  It was rather fun, actually.  Objects really do look further away IMG_0666under water!

Jeff taught me how to purge my mask of water, which I was able to master the first time!  He also taught me the universal sign for, ‘thanks for knocking my life-support system out of my mouth’. 

He then left me to enjoy the water on my own, practice filling my mask with 20160314_185538water, and then purging it.  However, while I was under the water, the most tragic thing happened! MY TOE RING FELL OFF. GASP!   Panic set in, I had to go find it!  After that, I found a dime and a penny.  You can say, I went on my first under-water treasure hunt.

To say that I completely enjoyed myself would be an understatement!  I have another lesson next week, as Jeff is out of town on, yea, a dive – He said, it’s tough, but someone has to do it!

Day one is IN THE BOOKS!  More to come!  It was so much fun, and really, breathing under water isn’t all that traumatic.

Until next time,
Join me on this journey, it’s fun!

Growing in Grace,
Laura B.
lgbeck59@gmail.com
Manager ~ Beautycounter